What does ugly mean?

There's a couple of things that I want to talk about today:
-1)A stylistic change
-2)The shit that is actually bothering me right now

First, I've been reading a good number of blogs over the past week or so. I've come to a conclusion: the really, really good ones have two things. One, excellent writing. Since I can't do a whole lot about how well I write immediately, I'm going to continue in this same meandering methodology. Two, the really, really good ones take interesting personal stories and relate them to the wider world for contextual and situational understanding. Again, not much I can do to make my life sound more interesting than it is, but I can try and relate my weirdness to the rest of you and hopefully that will make up for any lack in the other stuff.
[Han Solo]Good luck, you're gonna need it.[/Han Solo]

Second, the meat of today's post:
I went out with C last night for the first time in almost a week. One of the hardest parts of the most recent tribulations is that I haven't gotten to spend any time with her. Literally, almost zero time for us to be together. Between her friends and family being in town and my madness, last weekend was the first alone time we had in about six or seven weeks. My best friend was two miles away, hanging out and having fun with other people, and I couldn't participate (through her choices or mine). Now that I look back on the last couple of months with a pocketful of clarity, I realize that's a pretty depressing set of circumstances. No wonder I felt like shit.
I went to see Christian at Lush and invited C to come along. She, surprisingly, said yes. Most of the time was really well spent. Returning to the analogy above, I got to spend time with my best friend again. But there was still some awkwardness. That's not surprising, as I've mentioned some of the problems that C and I have had. But really, the night started well.
Before I elve into the troubles, let me throw in some (more) background. For the past four or five days, I've had this feeling that our relationship had moved beyond distancing and was, effectively, over. Not least in this evidentiary chain was when she mentioned that she was going to a 'singles' night at the church she's been attending. Not so subtle, but certainly open to interpretation as to what it could mean. I took it as she was thinking of herself as single, which I didn't, and don't officially, know.
The action returns: we were discussing a couple of friends and some weirdness that had happened between them (I'm not going to say who or what, because those facts aren't pertinent). C made a comment about me getting back with one of the people. And all of a sudden, Snap! It came into focus. Yeah, it was just a joke. But there was enough seriousness behind that I had a moment of clarity. Not only was she thinking about leaving, she was already gone.
Which brings me to the point of this rambling, semi-incoherent turd of writing. The rest of the night, we talked about where we had been and where we were going. She made the statement that, "She can't let go, and she can't hold on." Well, that puts me in an awkward position, because no matter how I react to her, I'm going to be wrong. If I try and get closer, Idrive her away. But if I try and pull back, she's gets upset and hurt. So what am I supposed to do? I don't know the answer, yet.
More generally, what do you do when any action you take hurts a person you love? When the unstoppable force and immovable object collide with you in the middle. There's only one correct solution and it's self-preservation.

You have to get out of the way, even when that hurts too.